Category Archives: Reinventing Self

“Everything Must Go!”

Sometimes, life happens.  Then again, at all times, Life happens.  

This blog post was drafted way back in early January 2013 but, reading it today, I decided to post it anyway, and just add an update.  Here goes…

R1-03231-0003Did time end and kickstart again on December 21, 2012?  Hard to say, although many have said much on the topic.  Some events are at a scale too big or too small for we humans to intellectually grasp and interpret, and perhaps here, in these first few breaths of 2013, we might just surrender to that.

I’ve lived through so many pronouncements of end times (including being taught to hide under my desk on a pile of books in case of nuclear attack) that I don’t have a strong reaction to them anymore. Life goes on the day after.  What I do pay attention to is more subtle, and I sense, more powerful.  I notice and respond to what is shifting and emerging in me and the interconnected world I live in.

So, what was I up to from December 22 through January 1?  Well, I actually thought I was giving myself a writing retreat.  Housemates were traveling and paid work was done for the year so I delightedly anticipated a spacious, creative playdate with myself.  Little did I know that the one line entry in my journal stating “Clean up office and desk” would be the central focus of my retreat.

Some might wonder what the big deal about this was.  Why didn’t I spend a day, or even two, cleaning stuff out and then go on with the more creative aspects of my plans?  I too wondered this over the first few days, but this opinion clearly came from the energetic aspect of me that is always about “doing”.  (I firmly stand in the non-dualist perspective and I experience the complexity of Self.)  My intention of having a personal retreat empowered me into just “being”, and that changed everything.  While other people were holiday shopping, I was staging a very personal “Everything Must Go!” blowout.

From today’s perspective, some two months later, that de-cluttering made big space for what I want more of in life.  And while the above blog post was sitting here unpublished, that’s where I was – out having new experiences. And…I committed to the big project of writing a book (and some articles and book chapters) this year and getting published.

One of the insights that came clear to me just yesterday is that I yearn for more expression not based on written words. So, I’m letting this written blog go quiet, at least for awhile, while I launch into creating and publishing content on my YouTube channel

Be well and find your own ways of Making Up What Comes Next!

Nika

Crossing Boundaries, or Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Why did the chicken cross the road?  To explore the territory in between.

As I was out for a long walk one morning, I mused about what it actually means to be the chicken crossing boundaries.  Living with a flock of chickens in our backyard, I’ve come to believe every bird has a different motivation.  One might be intrigued by the possibility of visiting (or moving to) the forbidden other side, while another might be excited by the risk of traveling through dangerous territory to get there.  One might seek the goal of freedom or better pastures.  I’ve been personally motivated in all these ways in the past.  But I’ve discovered that my core motivation has long been to explore the space in-between here and there, this and that, and to invite others into bridging across the unknown to connect with what is considered opposite or excluded.

“Like all explorers, we are drawn to discover what’s out there without knowing yet if we have the courage to face it.” – Pema Chodron

How is it to practice in that tension between attraction and not knowing?  My life has shown me that this is the substance of daily living, the actual experience of presence and engagement with the endless possibilities that open before me. And it takes me great strength to dwell there, centered on breath and grounded feet, open and boundaried heart, knowing what and how I know, learn and serve. Just as in exploring forestland, I expand peripherally, listen keenly, and find a way of moving through the complexity with varied steps and speeds, aware of every moment’s choosing.

Becoming a Scholar-Practitioner

I’m back in my blog after 10 months. Like so many other aspects of daily life, blogging was crowded out by the need for me to completely immerse myself in writing the story of my PhD journey and research project, a document called my dissertation.  Last Wednesday, I completed the last perfectionist technical edits and uploaded the dissertation .pdf, submitting it to one final review by my school, California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS) and ultimately to UMI/Proquest to be published publicly.  Sometime in June or July, you should be able to use Google Scholar to search for and download it, if you are so inclined.  It’s not as dry as some academic writing and has lots of pictures, but was still largely written for an academic audience.  (Be warned!)  My dissertation abstract gives you an idea in text form of what I’ve been exploring for the last 6 years.  And the image below visually expresses this artful action inquiry process I’ve been engaged in and with.

What does being a scholar-practitioner mean to me?  I’ve always been curious and now that inclination has deepened into being an inquirer, one who lives into reflective practice, meaning making, and the continuous exploration and articulation of knowing.  Through my PhD process, I have confronted, engaged with, made sense of and integrated much of my experience of life.  I’ve processed 1000s of pages of books and articles.  I’ve made the first of my contributions to the academic knowledge base.

And here, in this blog, I’ll continue to contribute to the online conversation, sharing what I notice about how we are Making Up What Comes Next.

Encouraging you to create some good today, I remain,
Nika Newcomb Quirk, MBA PhD
Emerging Circles
facilitating the rise of systems savvy, resilient, artful, and collaborative leadership

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Copyright 2012 Nika Newcomb Quirk

 

Without Blinking

Practice means learning from life instead of being bounced around by it. Once you know the worst isn’t going to run you over, you can look the world in the eye without blinking.  - Krishna Das in The Sun (March 2011)

Times of great change invite us to discover our practice as EveryDay Leaders.  How will I approach each day, each person, each joy or fear?  I often ask my coaching clients to tell me what brings them back to center – breathing, a walk, a cup of tea, chocolate? Knowing and using these tools is essential to in-the-moment practice, creating a foundation of calmness and clarity.  In my experience, practicing compassion and surrender also deepens my ability to hold the paradox of what is and what is possible, supporting me to lead my life from my loving, joyful, creative center.  I believe this opening to love and creativity is essential to leadership development in these times.

What does it take to look the world in the eye without blinking?  Coming across Krishna Das’ words today, I felt such strong resonance of truth.  Earlier in life, I was “bounced around”, often quite dramatically.  Always curious, I discovered many teachers and many ways of designing a reflective life practice, an approach to both learning and developing trust in myself and something greater that unconditionally loves me.  Last November, I got bounced again, this time through being injured in an auto collision (the first in decades).  After the initial shock and swelling subsided, the real healing opportunity surfaced.  Something sculpted into the articulation of bones and muscles in my upper body began to shift. Working with my chiropractor, I stand, move, breathe more freely.  Reflecting in my journal, I called this releasing the “cringe”, a fearful recoiling from anticipated anger, rejection, danger learned in my childhood environment.  Through the years, I had layered calm and relaxation in myself, attempting to soothe these core somatic responses.  Now, I’m deeply changed and sense that a cage has fallen open and away from my heart.  Friends, clients and co-workers tell me I appear radiant, like I’ve just fallen in love.  I have, in a way. I’m lovingly looking “the world in the eye without blinking.”

Discover and embrace your practice. Find the courage and the partners to do the work of releasing your fears.  Lead your life with love and creativity.

With an open heart I remain your Quirky Auntie,

Nika

What’s your evolutionary strategy?

“Realistic” people who pursue “practical” aims are rarely as realistic or practical in the long run of life as the dreamers who pursue their dreams. – Hans Selye

As it’s the beginning of the year, I find myself defining and discussing strategy in many aspects of my life and work.  Entrepreneur clients working with me as a business coach want to figure out how to make 2011 a better year.  My housemates and I regularly fall into co-imagining (and drooling over) what we’d like to produce in the garden this season.  Headed into the final production of my PhD dissertation, I’ve been assessing how I can bring an artful and practically successful approach to reviewing mounds of data and articulating what’s essential, meaningful, wonderful.  The non-profit board I lead works collectively to shape a sustainable path that supports the organization’s long-term benefit to human life and social change.

The word strategy tends to bring business and/or military contexts to mind.  But I’m attracted to this definitionan adaptation or complex of adaptations (as of behavior, metabolism, or structure) that serves or appears to serve an important function in achieving evolutionary success. Strategy is about learning and changing. It’s a process of reflecting on factual and experiential intelligence, evaluating success, imagining possibilities, and forging these combined insights into a plan of action that we sense has the potential for greater success.  Through strategy, we adapt consciously with an orientation to our values, desires and dreams.

Organizations make large investments in strategic planning.  But, in working with EveryDay Leaders, I find that strategy is overlooked or seen as a mystifying process for which people are unsure they have the time. “Who me? Have a strategy? That’s someone else’s job. I’m not big or important enough!”  So many of us live immersed in the streaming river of our experience, rarely mining the learning through which to shape ourselves, our endeavors, and our human future. And yet, right now, our adaptation to the ever-more-apparent-Big-Changes-on-the-planet is the main work at hand.

I hope you really grasp how important you are in the bigger picture of “making up what comes next”. I eagerly invite you to step into leadership, into active engagement with yourself, your life, and your environment. Know your fears but don’t sink to their level. I challenge you to create an evolutionary strategy. Yes! This is tough and worthy work! Take the time to honestly reflect, alone and with others, on a regular basis. Combine the factual and the imaginal to see yourself, your work, your family and community, your environment (both natural and human-made) – in 5, 10, 20 years. Believe in a satisfying and joyful future.  Take action on adaptations – what you can do now that contributes to both current and evolutionary success. I’m right there with you.

Namaste, Nika

I will follow you…

Have you seen the YouTube of solo jumping dancing guy who eventually inspires the entire crowd? One person begins to follow him, transforming him from lonely outlier to focal center. Leadership is esteemed; followership, though undervalued, can shift reality. Seems to me that the art of following deserves some attention as a skill for the changing landscape of life in this time.

Sitting here at Julie’s Tea in Alameda CA over an elegant Sunday breakfast tray, I’m designing the workshops I’ll lead in the UK over the next two weekends. Follow, Lead and In-Between: I mull over the options for content and structure How will we learn to follow each other? How will I describe what I know so well – the mysterious connective tissue that seems to grow between us when we wholeheartedly follow each other?

As I sip this cup of black lavender tea, I recall a moment in my own learning about following. As a woman born into no money or influence, I worked hard to be seen, heard and recognized as a leader with a credible voice. Sitting in a women’s group, a wise member told me to “step back into the circle.” I learned to listen and follow what arose from those gathered, and to recognize when what I had to offer lent clarity, strength or creativity.

Sometime today, I encourage you to take a breath and relax into following some pattern you notice. The pace of someone walking in front of you. A child’s zigzagging run or playful storytelling. Your friend’s ideas about what you could do together. Lean into following, and see what happens.

Let your hips lead

Joe Medina and my brain are inspiring me to walk distances. Joe, a brain scientist, wrote the recent book, Brain Rules. Rule #1? Exercise. Our ancestors developed this luscious brain walking 12 miles a day on the Serengeti; it still needs movement to stay fit.

Being a doctoral student, I sat, sat, sat. Some behavioral revisioning is due. Yesterday I circumvented Lake Merritt in downtown Oakland with buddy Gretchen Wegner, academic coach and inventor of MuseCubes. She’s walking for her brain-in-a-body like I am. We both support clients to be vital whole-brained bodyspirits.

But what about Hips, you ask? Well, as I set off for a 3 mile urban walk this afternoon, I noticed how awkward and disassembled I felt as I walked. My head was leading, chin and neck out like the chickens in our yard. I took a breath and pulled my chin back about two feet. Whoah! The tension in arms-shoulders-neck relaxed; my spine aligned. Another breath. I started hearing the middle eastern beat on my iPod and my hips began a swinging gait, easy, fluid, fun! Arms swinging, I covered lots of ground.

I wonder how often this is an apt metaphor. How often does my head try to get there first even while discombobulating the rest of me? How might that easy relational swing of hips be a better way of arriving?

Off now to complete my circuit. Enjoy your day, and maybe swing a little?

Weave and Mend – Worthy Work

Inspiration arises from all sources. Yesterday morning, I again came to the last few pages of a book I never tire of reading, Daughters of Copper Woman by Anne Cameron. Whenever I thin my library, it’s one of the books that’s been a keeper for 20+ years.  Once again, it brought me home to my core purpose, weaving and mending the society of women, the contribution of the feminine to the world, and what Cameron’s book calls our “soft power.”  Here’s a section of the book’s ending poem:

In golden light

I recognize the enemy faces
fear of our bodies
fear of our visions
fear of our healing
fear of our love
fear of sisterkind
fear of brotherkind
fear of fear

love is healing
healing is love

There are Women everywhere with fragments
gather fragments
weave and mend
When we learn to come together we are whole
When we learn to recognize the enemy
we will know what we need to know
to learn how to come together
to learn how to weave and mend

In this morning’s Wheeeee! We’re Alive free tele-fun call, we danced with what we are weaving and what we are mending in our lives.  Relationship to self, broken heartedness, connection to the divine, new ways of being -these and other patterns of human life all showed up as the shared stories unfolded.  As the poem says, “when we learn to come together we are whole.”  Women left the call having affirmed the one thing they would mend this week.
Facing our fears (those “enemy faces”) and doing our real work is, I believe, the core of human life and is accomplished in the company of others. When women take action, we make the lives and world we want.
What do you want to act on?
Six women have the opportunity to take action while being “fiercely loved and supported” in the new EveryDay Leaders tele-coaching group scheduled to start May 5. Click here for more information and the registration link.

Yours in the weaving,

Nika

Still.Silent.Simple.Now

Life has been flowing strongly and I’ve been completely caught up in the tumbling froth. This past week, swirls and currents quieted, and I’ve coasted along in relative stillness. I’ve yearned to come back here and write in this simple form.

I like complexity, the rich dark chocolate of existence. And as time passes, I have re-learned to love simplicity as both relinquishing of the complex and embracing of mindful singularity.

Preparing for this morning’s free Monday tele-fun call, I realized that I wasn’t up for leading anything complicated. This could be simple. We could dig down and wallow around in the simplicity of stillness, silence, connection in the fullness of the moment.  It was so wonderful to release my cleverness.  What did we do together that was so simple?

Breathe and sigh. (Repeat throughout)

Put palm tenderly to your own cheek.

Stretch to the edges of your space, and then beyond the boundaries.

Hug yourself and recall all the embraces of a lifetime. Snuggle down and rest.

Share your experience in a few words.

Hold up your palm in silent witnessing.

As the Shaker hymn tells us, Tis a gift to be simple.  As our times become increasingly complex, we benefit from learning to give that gift freely, to ourselves and others.

With joy,

Nika

Wheeeee! We’re Alive! – Dancing in our fire

Whoah. Mmmmmm. This morning’s free weekly tele-fun call just ended. I’m a little awestruck by both the gathered power of 11 women crackling and blazing in the virtual realm and the experience of conducting that powerful connection. For me, it felt like twirling fire.

We forget our power. We abuse our power. We give our power away. Now it’s time for us to have and use our power with integrity and connectedness. Our power fuels our actions as we step into purpose and make the life, and the world, we want to live in. This morning, we performed a fire dance that ignited the glowing coals of individual liveliness. Here’s how:

  • Warm yourself up – breathe, stretch, shake, breathe noticing how big you are, move around the room
  • Get the fire going – breathe in and out 4-5 times forcefully through your pursed lips, pushing the breath with your abdomen
  • Fire breathe into your cupped hands, feeling the warmth of your power
  • Now do your fire dance for 2 or 3 minutes, exploring the full range of your powerful self from glowing coal to crackling bonfire.
  • Find an ending to your dance and fill the warmth pulsing in you.

Spend some time noticing, writing, drawing about this experience. You might also explore these questions:

  • What’s one important way for you to keep your power present within you?
  • What will you use your power to take action on today?
  • Who are you sharing power-with as you take action? How will that happen?